Australia 4:39am
Austria 10:41pm
Spain 10:41pm
Today was the first day for the next 8 weeks. I get home sick here, I don't like that I cry myself to sleep, the change is overwhelming.
I know I can do this, but today was quite tiring. I miss home so much and the tears are running down my face. I can do this I keep telling myself and to just think, only a couple weeks. I love the house and the kids, the family is great but seeing them together makes me want my own so much. I look forward to the day I will fly back home to Austria, to the day I will be hidden from the world by the forest beyond.
Mum I miss you.
Dad I miss you.
Sister I miss you.
I shouldn't dwell on the thought of home, but whenever I let my mind wander it goes there, some where safe and known, some where I can relate. Here I am lost, here I am alone, here I want you.
Today I began to draw, something I have not done in a while.
This morning I woke and blinked through my salt encrusted tears. Shower time was definitely on the agenda. Then I began to look at the house, and really look I did, it is big. Really big, too big for a family of this size. I love everything about it, it's so exotic and mediterranean, I love the sun burnt orange walls and the dark wood fittings. I love the cacti that encircle the house and the palms that line the drive way. I love the forever flowing pool which puts me to sleep and the Spanish speaking Romanian that cooks and cleans, the wireless broadband and the enormous pantry. It really is just lovely.
My belly then told me it was time for breakfast. So I wandered inside to meet another employee. She spoke little to no English which was… Interesting. We played charades for a while till she'd said all she needed. Then I made myself some toast. Once I'd finished I thought I best call back home and let them know, "Yes, I am alive and well". So I called my father, then my Oma. I would so rather be there attempting German, I cannot wait to go home and learn more, become hopefully fluent in the language, it would be lovely.
I then received a phone call, from the au pairs down the road, a Canadian and the other from the UK. Both speaking Spanish of course (damn them and their advantage) they were both really nice, and I am happy to have met them, but I don't think I'll be going out for a while, no, not until I feel a bit better about myself. I bid them farewell then realised that I had a date on fb chat with Gabbi, we spoke for a long and I revealed a secret, well not really a secret, I just admitted to something I realised I'd felt. She was thrilled with the news of course, practically buzzing. She then told me how her week's been and I replied with the news of mine. The time was nearing 2pm when the children would be arriving, so I thought I better make myself look busy and asked the maid whether I could help with anything, she instructed me to juice the oranges, so that was my task until Cecilia came home and whisked me away with her speech about her day. I am the 15th au pair of this family, so the children are so used to change and became accustom to me very quickly. I spent the afternoon building space ships out of lego, watching sponge bob, reading and writing and minding Jacobo the little one. He was a bit of a hand full constantly running all over the place, but I think that's just because I have never actually baby sat before, I guess this is what I get for lying, but I don't think they've caught my bluff. I'm pretty sure they trust me with the children and I think I am pretty good at it, I just let them do as they wish and pretend. So once that was all over I was able to chill and just watch Lion King with the little one until dinner, I then was able to do as I please, which is hide away in my bedroom and write this to you.
I am showered and refreshed and think that I should maybe sleep and see what the morrow brings. I know I shall be going to the supermarket to purchase a few products with Nuria the mother. I also know what I am able to expect of the daily routine. But I hope I will get better at this, I hope I will feel more at home.
Every night I pray, I pray for him to watch over me and make the pain go away.
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