"Dear diary"

Monday the 5th of July 2010

Australia 5:35am

Austria 11:35pm

Spain 11:35pm

Nothing too exciting has passed since last I wrote upon you. Paris here I come.

Saturday the 3rd of July 2010

I sit at a place where the sea meets the sky. Where there are no boundaries, no ends to the earth. I do not have much time here because each night brings another day and each day brings me closer and closer to the time I will fly.

To my Diary,

So much has passed since I wrote in you last. I wish I'd been more constant, but my memories will be within me forever. These memories to last a life time, these memories to tell the world, these memories to remind. Every time I stop and think I can never believe. "An intangible dream." But I am wrong, because I am here, and I am living the dream. I have surprised myself with my courage and ability to throw away the shame and keep on going. With my ability to take everything in and appreciate everything, everything. So much more is still to happen. So much is going to change, for I know I am growing, I know I am changing - for the better. Everything leading up till now and on into the future is a challenge, and will be a challenge, life is a challenge, One I have thrown myself into. I will always remember this.

Sincerely yours

Sheena Perndorfer

Sunday the 4th of July 2010

How can someone be so selfish?

I never thought I could want my alone time so much. I thank them so much for giving this to me. I can tell I will fall into a slumber in the car tonight. There is no way I am going to make the 3 hour car ride conscious.

A day of excitement and celebration.

Australia 4:43am

Austria 10:43pm

Spain 10:43pm

It's been a while since I blogged. I feel like so much has happened since last I wrote. I am loving this all too much, having the time of my life, living this chapter of my life in Spain. Hayley thank you so much for all the fin times and insanely appealing photographs. Brooke I miss you dearly and wish you home to PALMA, though I know you'll be "Living it up" in Madrid Spain (You bitch).

I finally have caught up on my much needed sleep and am even awaking from my slumber earlier than normal.

I have spent mornings aimlessly wandering sunflower fields. I have spent my mornings riding the bicycle into town. I have spent my mornings with family back home.

I have some very exciting news. I have decided to move my Au pairing job closer to home. The thought of living so very far from home was too much pain. So I did it, the email was sent, and my profile back up and running. Guess what!? Within a couple hours I had multiple emails. I was so excited, I felt almost famous. It was so much easier the 2nd time round to find a family. So today on the 1st of the month I found a beautiful family, one I know I will have alot of fun with, one closer to home, one where I get a 3 day weekend every weekend. I skyped them this morning and had so much fun speaking with them, I was sad to say goodbye, I wish I could go there now, but soon, only 37 more days till I go home, only 63 till I will start. I really cannot wait.

Me and Sweden

Gotta love the park

"Dude, where are you?"

To wander aimlessly is bliss

Hayley's an artist

It's appropriately named, Smiley

I am "Rocking the Converse"

Myself and Cecilia

Today is also my Mother's and my Abuelo's Happy, Happy Birthday.

So there you have it, a day of excitement and celebration.

Adios.

"The pain is just too much"

Australia 8:38am

Austria 2:38am

Spain 2:38am

"I want out"

Nothing has ever come close to making me want to leave. I am such an optimistic person and so easy going that nothing has ever bothered me. But not tonight, not tonight. I spent the hour long walk home in tears. I cried because I hurt. I hate that I don't speak Spanish, I hate that I am lost here in a world so different from my own, I hate that I'm in pain.

I will never leave though, never leave till it is time. I love the family and they adore me, so I will stay and be here for them all. I am in love with Spain, but I just don't seem to fit right in, no, not yet. I look forward to the weekend, a nice one by the sea. I look forward to the FIFA final, a nice one by the sea. I look forward to returning home, to Austria where family and friends await my return.

I miss everyone so dearly. But soon, but soon I will see you all again.

"Words will never describe"

Australia 5:13am

Austria 11:13pm

Spain 11:13pm

Sheena "I don't even know where start"

Hayley "Oh shit, there could be pages"

The past weekend was something special. Something that holds no comparison to anything I have ever done, experienced. New things were tried, new friends were made, new life lessons were learnt.

To everyone involved thank you all so very much, I had the time of my life.

Nothing in the week leading up to the weekend seems important, so there's nothing to share. Friday night was spent awake too excited to sleep. We had planned this weekend for a while and finally "the" weekend had arrived. I had packed the Friday, done my washing and cleaned before the trip.

Saturday the 19th of June

I waited for the family to drive onto the drive way and away to another place before I jumped the fence and walked my way through the orange orchard to Hayley's. We then started the journey across the bridge to the "meeting spot" for Brooke then train station. The bus was next, just our luck we missed the 10:30am so we had to get the next, a much later 2:30pm. The bus ride was a nice looong 2.5 hours. The taxi was then a short 10 minutes. The walk was too funny. Thank you Mr. Taxi driver for dropping us off at the end of some cobblestone road, with only colourful shisha bars and kebab stores ahead. Please explain how we were meant to find our hostel? But have no fear, we found it in the end, thanks to the Oasis arrow signs lighting the path. Then through a ridiculously sized door, with a too high door handle. The reception was occupied by a Swedish guy, he surprisingly knew our town of Palma del Rio, he exclaims, "Those people are proud of their oranges" We had a bit of a giggle over that considering myself and Hayley live amongst an orchard of them. So the keys were given and the room was explored. Empty, at least we didn't have that awkward everyone stops the conversation to stare moment. But while unpacking an Italian man comes though the door, backpacker travelling alone. Not a party animal. We knew from then we would probably be the last ones in, the last ones to arrive home in the late hours of the morning. The room was filled. All 10 beds. But we'd only met the Brazilian, Californian, and Italian. The others left early the next morning, but the places were soon filled. 2 girls from Melbourne and 2 Vietnamese and some random guy.

We then decided on a stroll around Granada, I absolutely love the city. It is amazing, I would love to go back soon, very soon. But I do not think that'll be happening. Not for a while anyway. It was unbelievable. The Alhambra, the Arab district, the Tapas, Granada.

The walk took us into the street for shopping. though nothing was bought. We then decided food was necessary and the shining lights of Burger King were brought forward and the choice was simple, Burger king for dinner.

We had a feast. We then decided to wander back to our room to get ready for the onslaught. We walked in to an empty room, which was good, it meant the bathroom to ourselves. A lovely Californian girl, Lena came through while we were prepping. She was so nice, only 19 and travelling alone. She'd fallen in love with Roe and had hoped to go back there to live, she's fallen in love with a bartender. The sweetest thing ever. We then finished getting ready and decided to start downstairs at the hostel bar with our FREE welcome drink. We made some new friends and I scammed multiple free drinks, then we'd decided to start with a bar crawl. Well I didn't crawl very far because the first bar was my last bar.

The one thing my Spanish dad had told me not to do "Sheena, now make sure you don't mix drinks, because the next morning you'll be ver sick." So being the stupid person I am what's the first thing I do, mix drinks. Well let's just say the Tapas did not stay down too long. I tried so hard to stay conscious I really did. I made myself go on but that just meant out into the street where I passed out..in a corner...on a sewer...

Just ask Hayley or Brooke how much I wanted to go on. I eventually made it into some other bar where I hastily ran out onto the road. The decision was made, and I knew it had to be done. I had to go home. There was no way I was going to survive this. So I slowly made the very sad journey home at a sad 3:30am. I was lost, I even debated whether to crawl into bed with my shoes. I awoke at 5:00am and thought, I bet the girls are at Granada 10 The club just down the road which was supposed to be good. So I hopped off the bed gathered my things and got all the way down the stairs to the door and opened it, I then thought to myself Fuck it. I was much too tired and just went back up to my room and slept till the later hours. So late that I missed breakfast. The girls had returned at 6:00am that morning and that afternoon they gave my a full report on the nights' events.

Sunday the 20th of June

Morning spent asleep, recovering.

Afternoon spent at the Alhambra. Words will never be able to describe.

Oh and I also bought a fanny pack.

After the Alhambra we hopped back onto the tourist bus and through the city. We were famished, so we decided on curry, and got too excited when we discovered a sign stating "Indian restaurant" With an arrow pointing into an alley. The restaurant was never found so instead we went to an Arab restaurant where we actually found an Indian menu, YES, So we had Tandoori chicken, vegetable curry, Andalusian salad and Naan bread. The atmosphere was so tranquil that we stayed within for a while. Just sitting listening. We then decided we better get ready for another night out on the town. But instead of a siesta like we'd planned we went for a night walk up to the top, to St. Nicolas look out. It was amazing, So beautiful.

After we were ready to party, and while getting ready ourselves there was a party happening downstairs. It was the bartender's birthday, a Polish man who was hilarious. He was downing a bottle of tequila while walking around the courtyard, funniest thing I ever seen.

We again started at the hostel bar making alot more friends, we got a little crusade together to hit up a shisha/hookah bar. I was so happy, so content sitting there. I was even started to doze, this could not happen, tonight I had promised myself I was sticking to the hard liquor and NOT mixing. I have learnt my lesson. So I jumped up and said to Brooke let's just go do shots, I need a pick-me-up. So Brooke, Hayley, myself and Herman (Mr. Mexico) went to the Alhambra bar where the owner exclaimed, "SHEEEENA", as I walked in, wow, did I meet this guy!? haha. So we had a few shots and back to the shisha we go. More people had come to join. It was then clubclubclubclubclub time. A shame most of them were not up for it but in the end we conned them all to enter Granada 10, it was the jager bombs that got them hooked. We walked into an empty club. Oh shit, there was just a bunch of people Salsa dancing. It was so nice to watch, but I felt a twinge of jealousy watching the "Salsa queen" glide across the floor. We just stuck to our little couched corner and continued with the drinks. So eventually we got intoxicated enough to make our way onto the dance floor to rave rave rave. We ended up kicking the salsa's off the dance floor and had the floor and music to ourself, the DJ actually changed the music to "Disco" music for us foreigners. So the night eventually came to a close, and we made our way back to the hostel, but not before a quick trip to the KEBAB KING. That was one god almighty kebab, it was so delicious. So we'd made it back about...actually I have no idea what time it was when we got back in, but we did not sleep, no we sat in the lounge for long. I at sometime wandered into the kitchen to find Lena with 2 other guys, they'd arrived that day, and they'd looked familiar. I later discovered where I'd seen them , they were in the Alhambra bar, the bar we'd escaped to, to do some shots. I know I spoke to them for very long, because I did not return to bed till 7:30am, only to awake at 8:30am.

This day was not productive at all. I am sure the children learnt nothing on Monday's English class.

Words can not and will never be able to describe what passed. The weekend was filled with something intangible, unable to grasp. It was magic.

Saturday the 26th of June

Australia 10:38pm

Austria 4:38pm

Spain 4:38pm

A whole week has passed before I was able to write up and publish this post. The memories are fresh, the memories will never be forgotten because they were beautiful ones, though hazy through the liquor they're still there.

Brooke I am going to miss you, but it's ok, just 2 weeks and we shall meet by the beach n Cadiz. Take care. Adios.

"Weekend by the Mediterranean sea."

I had been so pumped for the weekend, then finally it arrived. It was everything and more to me than I could have ever thought. I have entered the circle of trust. Everything about this place I fall in love with. Everyday I grow closer and closer to my new, borrowed home. Everyday I fall apart at the thought of leaving.

Saturday the 12th of June 2010

Australia 7:29am

Austria 1:29am

Spain 1:29am

Today was spent minding the children, almost nothing to do with the little one gone. But I still managed to ponder around the home and look busy. Cecilia had a dance recital which I attended, not that I could actually see anything due to the amount of crazed Spanish people all wanting to see their children in the church courtyard. Thankfully I found a friend, Hayley came to my hungered rescue and bought me not only a packet of patatas but we babbled about shit, and waited. She laughed at my kind of handsome and in turn I'd made fun of her beer goggles from the weekend before. We got more and more excited talking about the trip to Granada and Cadiz in the near future. We then parted and said our goodbyes, I was to be whisked away into the sunset, to the Mediterranean seaside.

The drive was excruciatingly bad. We left late hence the late arrival. I am sure I drifted off for a while, but I remember alot of yelling. The Spanish sure do express themselves alot louder.

Cold shower. So I was forced to have a cold shower in the name of hygiene.

Today I will be dropped off in the city to venture alone. This should be interesting. Malaga city centre here I come. But I must remember to save, save, save, for next weekend, for next weekend will be the BIG one.

Australia 10:06pm

Austria 4:06pm

Spain 4:06pm

I am sitting in the Great Fortress. I feel good about my day. I have managed to see the city sites thanks to the tour bus. I was stupid enough to climb to the top of the castle rather than bus it which meant I have done my years' worth of exercise. But now I must wait for the bus back down. I hope it is soon.

I've managed to do some shopping and bought the beloved white playsuit from "Oysho" and some Organic soap. A postcard and Ice cream.

Malaga is such a beautiful city.

It does, like many writer's said, "...Have land and sea." Seeing the beach here in Spain has finally made me think of home, Australia. Not until today have I truly missed the land of Australia.

Australia 12:00am

Austria 6:00pm

Spain 6:00pm

I have exhausted both my day, wallet and body.

I have walked more then just the city, and it's taken me more than half of my day wandering to build up the courage to ask for a bottle of Agua (water) how sad. But today was definitely worth all the loneliness. Just to see the city of Malaga, just to see some sexy, sexy, Spanish men, just to see the sunshine over the Mediterranean sea.

I am not too sure what to do with myself now. The sun's just decided to pop out and warm the world beneath. I do not know what time my Spanish dad will be phoning, when he'd said later I assumed 4/5pm, but he did mention a luncheon, and considering lunch is usually around 3.30pm later could mean anything.

Australia 12:30am

Austria 6:30pm

Spain 6:30pm

It was a snap decision. The sun inspired me to go to the beach of Malaga, Maguete. So now I am sitting at the closest bus stop watching a seedy young man stare at me. He makes me giggle with his Hawaiin shirt and pin striped pimp hat.

Australia 1:17am

Austria 7:17pm

Spain 7:17pm

I cannot believe I am having a drink alone. But I could not come all the way to Malaga and not have a taste of the sweet Malaga wine. Was quite delicious and the colour was a golden chocolate brown. It was a nice way to calm down after a day of practically walking. I sat at a small cafe, bar by the Beach and sipped my wine writing this to you. The inner kitchen however is quite disturbing to look at. Not what I would call hygienic at all. I do need to find some food in a while. There is not too much at home and I am feeling quite peckish.

I sit here alone, watching the waves crash and I think of home.

I managed to dirty my bright white pants, blue on the pockets, brown by the ankles and they're soaked up to the knee. I could not help, myself. I wanted, needed to immerse my feet in the sea. I now cannot wait for the morrow where I will go complete under.

The wine is now starting to bite.

The ladies behind the bar just giggled then asked me something of course I understood none. The sun's gone back behind a thick cover of cloud. I hope it bursts through the thick soon, before I blow away.

Australia 2:58am

Austria 7:58pm

Spain 7:58pm

Thank god I only had the 1 glass of wine, because I feel a tad tipsy as I sit here in good ol' Maccas eating my Mcnuggets.

Now this next bit is pure shit, I cannot even remember writing this...

"Do you know what I realise as I sit here?? These kid's in Palma are never going to know what a part/casual job is, and I have come to the conclusion that I probably am pissed because I cannot write straight." - Langing unedited.

Monday the 15th of June 2010

Australia 5:06am

Austria 11:06pm

Spain 11:06pm

It's taken me this long to write up the story of the weekend. I just collapsed when I arrived home this morning at 1am. Too tired to unpack to tired to move. But the day that followed the last was lovely. Sunday was a truly binding experience with the family, Eating chocolate covered churros for breakfast was delicious. Seeing the beautiful town of Nerja was amazing. Bike riding through Torrox was something I'd nether thought of doing.

So sunday morning I awoke to the sound of a light knock at my door. Ramon announced we were driving into town to find a cafe so they could buy me churros for breakfast. I was so excited. So I donned my maxi and was off. We found a quaint cafe in town with quite a number of people. We ordered the Spanish hot chocolate with many churros. I was only able to eat 2, for they were long and heavy, my stomach was too full to have another delicious bite. I could not even finish the chocolate it was all too much. We then drove past the apartment and into the next town, Nerja. The family had planned to spend a week of summer here, a week of summer activities for the kids. So they wanted to see the place and where the children would partake in the sports. The beach here was much nicer. "Europe's balcony" was beautiful, I could see along the coast and beyond. The view was beautiful, out over the Mediterranean sea. We then walked the small cobblestone streets to an English candy store that stocked Cadbury chocolates and English magazines, English flags and newspapers. So many souvenir stores were seen and the cutest little clothing store I ever seen. Everything was colour co-ordinted. Everything was cheap and colourful and perfectly set out to my liking. Of course I couldn't let this little treasure slide by, I was inside and shopping. I bought a chiffon head scarf and present for a friend. Nuria my Spanish mum was too funny, she had bundles of clothes in her arms, she was yelling at my Spanish dad as he was yelling at her, she wanted to shop and it was obvious he didn't. So he left, not knowing where he was going we continued on our little mission. After this we walked to a restaurant and had some traditional Spanish dishes. Fried, battered dog fish, Steamed sardines, Pi pi's, and prawns. The luncheon was then finished off with some pistachio gelato and a walk along the boulevard.

This late afternoon was spent by the pool. I met a lovely Japanese lady with a 15 year old daughter arriving on July. I hope to see her again and meet the daughter. It almost feels like this is a blind date haha. I really did enjoy my trip to Malaga. Even the event that followed...

As the children and Nuria bid their farewell Ramon announced we were going some where. I was a tad confused considering Nuria had taken the car to church. He told me we were to ride the bicycles into town, Torrox to ride along the beach boulevard. I was in shock, the last time I rode a bike was to complete a 80km bike/hike. No wonder I'd never picked up a bicycle again. But there was no saying no. So off I went to ride into a wall, car, lamp post anything in my bubble. I am glad to report however no damage was done, well apart from the cut on my toe, sore body and scratched knee. I actually enjoyed myself, The sun was just setting and there were alot of others on their bikes riding through. We stopped at the end for a beverage then continued on our way home.

Dinner, pasta.

The ride home was just as bad as the ride there. This time Spanish dad was driving. I had to close my eyes and drift into the subconscious. There was no way I was making it out alive I thought. He reached speeds of fucking 200km p/h I was in complete and utter shock to see the needle speed on up and over the designated speed limit of 120km p/h. So as the car thrummed and sat at that speed I drifted off into a happier place.

Wednesday the 16th of June 2010

Australia 7:13pm

Austria 1:13pm

Spain 1:13pm

I am sorry to keep neglecting you Mr. Blog.

I just always find things to clean in an already clean kitchen. Today I swept and mopped the floor of my living room, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom twice. I arranged and rearranged my bedroom furniture. I did 3 loads of washing and feel good.

I cannot believe it is already Wednesday, finally "hump" day which means it's all downhill till the weekend. Spent Monday being a lazy au pair. Spent Tuesday at a cafe then booking and discussing Granada and also being a lazy au pair. Wednesday has so far been spent cleaning, I think it's safe to say however "being a lazy au pair" is also on the agenda for the day.

I was ecstatic at some news just given to me yesterday. My sister and father will be arriving in Austria on the 26th of August. It actually brought tears to my eyes the thought of seeing someone so familiar. I cannot wait, but what makes me sad is that I will only see then for the 3 days, then at the wedding for I will have to leave to work on the 30th of August. This makes me upset an I hope maybe, just maybe I can find a way to spend a little more time with them.

So this is my life so far, pure joy and bliss is all I feel. I tell everyone and want everyone to know that this is the best decision I have ever made in my life. I know this journey of mine is changing, and I know that the change will make me a knowledgeable person. Someone interesting and worthwhile.

Australia 7:11pm

Austria 1:11pm

Spain 1:11pm

Today is not a nice day in Spain. The rain has been falling and it keeps on falling.

I awoke to my damn phone ringing. Lykke Li bursting through the silence. I then realised the trickling rain outside but first attend the the call. I checked the number it was my "Austrian homey" I was meaning to call some time this week, I just hadn't had a chance to yet. My Oma asked how I was and if everything was ok. I responded to the questions explaining about the horrid weather but of the family being so kind. I told her how I was not permitted to do any house work because that was the work of Tatiana, though I do help in the mornings. She told me that the weather had been very nice there, that the sun has been shining and the weather is warming up, this is a good thing, this means that when I come hopefully the weather will be warm enough to walk out comfortably in shorts and a tee.

This morning I made multiple skype calls. George, Amy and home. I miss everyone so dearly but I have not even begun to miss home, I miss Austria yes, but Australia has not even crossed my mind. The people I miss the land I don't.

The reason no blogs have been made is because I have had the most exciting jam-packed weekend ever. I have had no time nor strength to write a blog worthy of the time. It really has been crazy, but I loved every moment.

Friday, The family came home, they explained to me there had been a change of plans, that I was not to accompany them to the beach at Malaga for they would be staying in an apartment to small for us all. I was instead entrusted with the home. To tell you the truth I was so far from disappointed I was ecstatic. I could not wait for the weekend, I had already mustered up the plan of attack. Sangria sesh was definitely on the agenda. So I spoke to Hayley that night and we'd decided to visit Cordoba that afternoon, then we would come back to mine to make Sangria and possibly make it into town.

Saturday, so the shopping was done and the sangria was made into a flower vase and chilled. But instead of drinking that we'd whipped up some Malibu and juice cocktails for the night, we'd decided to save the sangria for the morrow, a day by the pool. So we spent the night out by the pool talking, then we migrated to the lounge and viewed pictures waiting for the time of 1am when most went to the Palma version of a "Club". Time dragged on and we got sleepy almost falling asleep on the too comfy couches. So instead we'd decided to go into Palma another weekend and instead spent the night asleep.

Sunday, the following morning I was up and feeling great, A late rise and brunch with Sangria, Hayley had already come round and we sat by/in the pool with our invention. It was delicious. So we'd finished the vase and thought it best to head into town for something to do. I do not know how it happened but we'd taken some photographs by the old castle then mad our was into a bar, too many shots were had (FREE) and Hayley exclaimed, "Sheena I do not know where you are putting it all!" We then left to take some pictures by the circus animals, then to see Hayley's Spanish grandma, where more drinks were had, then back across the park to the "Club" called "Casino" I asked for the most EnGenius drink ever, red vodka with peach juice. YUM. It was an amazing combination. It was funny though, the whole time we were there the workers sat outside and ate pizza while the two if us sat by the bar drinking. The bill was paid and we started the long journey home, first back to the first bar for another shot, then through the streets of Palma. About halfway down though we came across this bar playing rock music so we ventured within, again another drink..bad decision. We then met an American girl, one teaching English at the school in town. We sat with her and her friends outside until we were kicked out the bar and onto the street. They asked whether we'd like to say with them but no, instead we walked home. Too many stops were made and we got in through the door at 3am. She'd forgotten her keys so She slept on my floor, "Shit time".

Tuesday, Yesterday we walked into town the of us, Hayley, Brooke and myself. To the market to purchase some souvenirs, mine being 5 fans for family back home. We practically bought the poor guy out of all his fans only E2!! bargain. We walked through small cobblestone streets and under ancient arcs. We walked past flowing fountains and blooming trees. The sun was shining the weather was welcoming. A nice day indeed.

I will post the pictures up soon. But not today, I have too much to do.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=174074&id=539502126&ref=pb

My dear father started looking at flights home to Austria I cannot wait to see their smiling faces.

I promise I'll blog soon. So much has happened. In so little time.

I miss you all. Adios